Multiple Blessings

There are many different things I want to blog about: the show Toddlers and Tiaras, home school panic for a first-timer, custody battles and how fun they are not, alligator safety classes that I was offered, and many others, but tonight I feel compelled to blog a bit more personal.

The past year has been a difficult one. When I say it was a difficult one, I am not exaggerating in the least. In fact, it was probably the most difficult year of my life, which says a lot considering some of the experiences I have had on this wild and crazy journey. I found out horrible things that happened to one of my children, dealt with a nasty custody battle, found out that someone in my family suffers from mental illness, continued to deal with the loss of a parent, said good bye to two of my children, and really lost who I was. Some of the difficulties were my fault, consequences of bad decisions or wrong decisions. Some of the difficulties were caused by secrets that didn't need to be kept. Some difficulties were caused by change and adjustment, while others were caused by a broken system that is beginning to leave children behind. Despite the difficulties and gut-wrenching, heartbreaking moments, we made it through - as individuals, as a family - together and have lived to tell about it.

Recently, change found itself in my life again, this time relocating not from the North to the South, but from the city to the country. Again I find myself in a situation where I don't know anyone, though I have found myself in contact with a local home school group and have been extended such sweet gestures of kindness that words to not adequately describe how appreciated they are. I find us starting our life over again, but this time, under better circumstances. I am in a much better place. Swamp Daddy is in a much better place. Cleo is in a much better place. This move, although resistant at first, has proven to be the path that we need to be on. I know that this is the path that we need to be on because when you are on the right path, things tend to fall into place.

I remember a few months ago, when I was beginning to examine my faith again, I prayed for peace. I prayed that I would be in a situation where I didn't worry about my safety all of the time. I prayed for a home that fit my family, instead of trying to fit my family into a home. I prayed for the emotional well-being of my husband and children. I prayed that we could really begin to live our life again, instead of just treading life with our necks above water - whether it was because of time restraints, safety issues, finances, or just plain fear of taking a risk. I never really gave it much thought after that night. I let go of what was weighing me down and that was that.

Looking back now, however, I find myself realizing exactly how much we have been looked out for and taken care of. With this move, comes financial freedom. We are buying our home on land contract. What we now pay for our house payment and all utilities equates what we were paying just for rent in New Orleans. No more outrageous electric bills on top of it. Or expensive cell phone bills. Or Directv bills. Or high -priced Internet bills. That is saving over $600/month. Addi tonally, I have found that things like milk, bread, and gas are a bit cheaper out here. AND my husband took advantage of an opportunity presented to him and he is now making much more money at his job than he did previously. I no longer have anxiety attacks. I have slept through the night every single night since we have been out here, something that hadn't happened in the city for nearly a year.

My anxiety - or lack thereof - has made family life much happier as well. I am no longer worried about what is going to happen. I am actually able to enjoy my family again and because I am no longer a bag of nerves, I think that they can again enjoy me. I feel like I finally have a life again. Or maybe I am finally mature enough to know what I want my life to be.

I feel really humbled tonight by the beautiful things that are happening in my life. I feel very blessed to have a husband who works so hard for our family and works equally hard at caring for me and making me happy. I am very blessed to have a daughter who thinks her mom is the coolest person ever, that loves the things I love, and teaches me about the things that I don't. I am amazed by this area in Louisiana where things are a little slower pace but the heart beat of the state is only down the road.